ARIES

Huwag panghinaan ng loob. Kung kaya nila, eh ‘di sila ang gumawa.

TAURUS

Book the trip you’ve always wanted. Mag-UberPool para makamura.

GEMINI

Something exciting will happen at work. May kinalaman sa water dispenser. O ‘di ba, exciting?

CANCER

Mapipilitan kang mag-let go. Of clothes that do not fit you anymore.

LEO

He will come up to meet you. Tell you he’s sorry. You don’t know how chubby you are.

VIRGO

Mapagkakamalan kang artista. Secret kung sino. Basta smile ka lang.

LIBRA

You really shouldn’t bite more than you can chew. Especially when your mouth is full.

SCORPIO

May magpapaasa sa ’yo. Kaya naman gagawin mo ang nararapat: umiyak sa gabi.

SAGITTARIUS

You will receive an invitation to sign up for a newsletter.

CAPRICORN

Now is the time to gather up courage. Go ahead. Ask the saleslady kung kailan ang sale.

AQUARIUS

Say yes to cookies. Sa websites, hindi sa totoong buhay.

PISCES

You will learn how to lose a guy in ten days.