ARIES

Hold your horses. Wala kang horses? Sige, hold your ponytail na lang.

TAURUS

It’s the perfect time to do a marathon. Season 3 na ng Narcos sa Netflix.

GEMINI

Someone will make you an offer you can’t refuse.  It will come in a box, and you’ll never know what you’re gonna get.

CANCER

Purple is your lucky color. Samahan mo na rin ng green sa may chest area.

LEO

You will receive a much-needed compliment.  Ay sorry, complimentary pala. Sachet ng shampoo. ‘Di mo ba kailangan nun?

VIRGO

Makakalimutan mo na siya. Pero ayan, naalala mo tuloy.

LIBRA

May maririnig kang chismis tungkol sa ‘yo. Chubby ka raw, chubby.

SCORPIO

Makakatulog ka nang mahimbing. Sa meeting nga lang.

SAGITTARIUS

Beware of dog.

CAPRICORN

Put your right foot in. Baka may mapatid ka.

AQUARIUS

You may now stop pretending you’re on a diet. Next year na ulit.

PISCES

May magsosoli sa ‘yo ng bagay na matagal nang hiniram sa ‘yo. ‘Yung eraser mo nung Grade 2.